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Post by Citrine Bailey on Sept 3, 2007 6:14:56 GMT
The truth?
- I still wait for you to come to my window. &You never do. - I still wonder if you ever truly existed. &You never did... - I still see you in my dreams &You never left. - So where are you? &You never left. - I'll always wait for you, Dante. &You never left.
He was never truly there. But he was always in my dreams. I could feel his breath, still taste his lips as I opened my eyes. I could still see you, your eyes...watching me, before you'd fade away. Was it real? Could I have known you before my death? You made me Faithless. I never wanted to be that. I never wanted to be cold. You made me warm. You made me bleed.
But now I feel the cold again...Dante? Have you left me for good? Will I ever be warm again?
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Sept 5, 2007 1:27:04 GMT
September Fourth:
Twenty days and I'll be what looks like fifteen. But who am I underneath? I stopped counting quickly to ease the pain. 50? 70? 100? My guess is somewhere around 105. But then, how could that be? Aren't I just...zero? Infinite? A non existent number? I've been on this earth for over a hundred years, but my age? I'm dead. We don't age. We just get colder...dustier.
-Spike- I died so many years ago. But you can me feel like it isn't so. But why you come to be with me? I think I finally know.
You're scared, ashamed of what you feel. And you can't tell the ones you love. You know they couldn't deal. Whisper in a dead man's ear, that doesn't make it real.
That's great, but I don't want to play. And being with you touches me, more than I can say. And since I'm only dead to you, I'm saying stay away. And let me rest in peace.
Let me rest in peace. Let me get some sleep. Let me take my love and bury it in a hole six foot deep. I can lay my body down, but I can't find my sweet release. So let me rest in peace.
You know you've got a willing slay. And you just love to play the part that you might misbehave. But 'till you do, I'm telling you stop visiting my grave. And let me rest in peace.
I know I should go... But I follow you like a man possessed. There's a traitor here beneath my breast. And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed. If my heart could beat, it would break my chest. But I can see..you're unimpressed. So leave me be, and let me rest in peace.
Let me get some sleep. Let me take my love and bury it in a hole six foot deep. I can lay my body down but I can't find my sweet release. Let me rest in peace. Why won't you let me rest in peace?
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Sept 6, 2007 4:57:22 GMT
I'm scared again.
Without him, I'm insecure. I'm alone. I'm defenseless. Are they going to come after me? Come back for me...?
His warmth is fading, I'm growing colder. Could I find warmth somewhere else?
Perhaps that's what he wanted... I stay awake every night, still waiting.
--It's my dreams you take...--
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Sept 10, 2007 4:12:04 GMT
Constantine.
Her's was Beloved: To be loved And constancy? To have faith.
He was always telling me to call him that. Loveless:Beloved as Faithless:Constantine So why are our fighters our contradictions? What does it all mean, and why am I a part of it?
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Sept 10, 2007 4:25:27 GMT
For once, I'm not going to write about him. I'm scared to. I'm scared that I'll keep writing and I'll slip away, he'll slip away. It'll all turn into words on paper, an obsession, forever lost.
The more time I spend with him, the warmer I - or he - feels. Only afraid to touch, because it may mean something. He makes me safe, makes me brave. Like Dante always had. I had always wondered why he left, had he known? Someone else would be there to hold me, protect me, keep me going, keep me eating, keep my friends alive. Make me warm when it feels like everything could soon go cold.
But does he see me?
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Oct 3, 2007 4:47:59 GMT
I woke up again with endless tears. I can still feel your presence.. Please stay with me another night. I can't believe you came back... Now what's to happen to us? ..To me? I know you're back, I just know it.
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Oct 8, 2007 3:52:19 GMT
My heart is cold tonight. I'm alone in this silence.
I'm so sorry I left you. How could I have done that to him... But who am I referring to? Dante...I've betrayed you. Alucard...I did what they all did. How could I...?
I am sin. I am dust. I am dead and I am numb.
I'll wait for you tonight. If you come back, I'll know you've forgiven me for my betrayal.
Alucard... What can I do for you? How can I make up for leaving you alone in the dark? I can still smell you. I can still feel you. I can still hear your breath.
Forgive me.
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Oct 16, 2007 0:50:21 GMT
Is it West Side Story?
or
Romeo and Juliet?
Will my life be a tragedy? What about the afterlife?
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Oct 24, 2007 23:51:27 GMT
It's been days, weeks, since we last spoke. I haven't even seen him around. Usually he's everywhere. He must hate me for running out on him that way. Leaving him alone in the cold.
Surely, he understands?
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Nov 21, 2007 4:53:50 GMT
Hold me a little longer. Don't worry too much about words. This silence is so loud. I'd give anything to hear that once quickened heartbeat.
If I had breath, you'd take it away If I had a pulse, it'd skyrocket I search your eyes for answers. They're so cold, and so warm. I never want to let go. I breathe, drink you in. I want it all. Don't leave me tonight. Stay forever. Keep me in your arms.
Don't leave me tonight.
"It's my dreams you take."
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Jan 25, 2008 23:03:41 GMT
We've all disappeared. Slipped away. For so long, I was alone. [/b] Where were they? Off fighting battles? Were they, too, alone? Why was I here? Why are we suddenly lost?[/color] Together we are, again. And we've changed. I'm numb. Stuck in a hole. Waiting each night for his return. Some nights I'm alone. But some...She's gone. Blinded by Tears. Dark. Murderous, like she's always been. But never did she run away. Until today. What have I done? What did she do? I know she wouldn't hurt me. Anyone... That night was an accident. We've all changed.He's gone. I've started seeing his face again. Unhappy and cold. But that's all. No more. We've all changed.And we're all lost to loneliness. I'd give anything to go back. What's happened?
You're still with me, Dante.&You never left.[/sup][/center]
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Jan 26, 2008 6:14:12 GMT
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Feb 11, 2008 22:02:39 GMT
Everything's out of place. Including, of course, myself. Whose arms are the safest? Where is right? What is wrong? And why does he keep "leaving forever" only to be back days later?
I don't want it. I refuse. I refuse to let things hurt. I'm moving on. Not looking back, only forward. Whoever stands before me...well, there they'll be.
I'll go wherever my feet decide. Not my heart. Not my mind. My feet, they'll decide.
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Feb 15, 2008 1:48:20 GMT
I felt I should say something. Anything. I think I'll tell him. But how much should I reveal? I guess there isn't much to say.
I was born into a planned reality. With others like myself, scars to prove it. Emotionally and Spiritually attached to another being. With no real say in the matter. Only a false identity, an alter ego with a name, and him. To watch out for others like ourselves. Looking to wipe us out.
I never understood, or cared to see, whether I wanted it. I don't think I did. A planned life. A planned life mate. A planned death. A planned afterlife.
So who is to say what's fair? Certainly not me; I have no opinion. Just a scar on my lower stomach: "F-A-I-T-H-L-E-S-S" And a forever bond with someone who may not even be real.
So where do I go now? And what will be waiting for me? I might just disappear. No one will notice; no one will remember. It'll be like I never existed. Because that will have been their plan.
Who knows how many others there has been...
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Post by Citrine Bailey on Feb 27, 2008 0:24:15 GMT
I'm changing. I really am. It's so weird. I don't care anymore. I'm almost back to normal.
I'm sick of sadness. My own and others'. I want to leave them all behind. And...well, party.
Bwa ha ha ha ha haaaa.
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